For those of you who (a) don't have a job that forces a blackberry upon you or (b) haven't convinced your parents/cell phone plan financiers that you need a blackberry to look important, Brickbreaker is a game that comes on a blackberry phone. It tests your reaction time, hand eye coordination, and ability to spend dozens of minutes on the shitter even after you've finished the deed. You may know it by another name, as it was offered for GameBoy as Alleyway, for the computer as DX ball, for Atari as Breakout, etc etc.
To understand the game, its important to look back at the history of this recreational timewaster. Brickbreaker dates back to 12th century Europe. Building demolitionists didn't have today's luxuries of wrecking balls, controlled explosions, or racist hurricanes. So they would take musket ammo and throw it at a building until each individual brick was gone. These serf laborers got creative with their trade, and would sometimes light the ammo on fire before throwing it, throw multiple balls at once, or buy a laser pointer from their local Sharper Image to fire at the bricks while their ammo was still in the air.
For all its glory, there are a few issues which need to be brought up with Brickbreaker. A wish list, if you will.
1. As the Bodog.com ads above mens room urinals will testify, knowing your target audience is key for a successful product. And B² should know that 97% of its customers are also serial shitters. (and cereal shitters around 9AM nyuk nyuk nyuk). Rather than lame weapons like laser, gun or bomb, take it up a notch witth Flush, Two Fisted Wipe, and the panacea of brick breaking - Shit a Brick. It's be like the spread fire in contra, just smell a lot worse.
2. The ability to play against the guy in the next stall via pootooth. Take Battleshits to a poo level.
3. High scores get you a 15% discount on any masonry related products at your local Menards. That's called cross marketing.
4. Randomize the levels.
5. If someone calls when you're playing brickbreaker, their info is automatically deleted from your address book. Sorry mom, you shoulda called my desk phone.
Thats it for now. Oh and my high score is 8100. Not poo shabby is you ass me.
